✍️ Flamme research · State of Couples 2026
do women write more than men to their partner?
Among Flamme users who shared their gender, women write about 7% more per answer than men (12.9 words vs 12.0), and the middle answer is the same length for both: 7 words.
Word counts come from a random sample of 250,000 answers. Gender is what users chose to share at sign-up, so the comparison uses only people who answered. Data: 2,722,793 answers, 2 February 2023 to 14 October 2026. How we did this.
by An Nayal, founder of Flamme · Updated
the numbers
| group | chart | words per answer |
|---|---|---|
| women | 12.9 | |
| men | 12.0 |
- The median answer is 7 words for women and 7 words for men.
what does it mean for couples?
The popular idea that one partner does all the talking does not show up here. On average the difference is under one word per answer, and the typical answer is identical.
If one of you writes a lot more, that is about the two of you, not your genders. It is worth asking what makes it easier for the quieter partner to say more.
cite this
Free to quote with a link. For other cuts of the data, email hello@flamme.app.
Flamme, "The State of Couples 2026: The Gender Gap in How Couples Write", flamme.app/state-of-couples/gender-gap-in-how-couples-write, published 30 October 2026. Based on 2,722,793 answers by 88,622 people, 2 February 2023 to 14 October 2026.
how was this measured?
Flamme is a couples app where both partners answer the same daily question and then see each other's answer. We analysed 2,722,793 answers to 1,919 questions from 88,622 people, written between 2 February 2023 to 14 October 2026. Word counts come from a random sample of 250,000 answers. Gender is what users chose to share at sign-up, so the comparison uses only people who answered. Everything is a count or an average. Flamme users chose a couples app, so they are not a random sample of all couples, and most answers are in English. Full method and limits on the State of Couples 2026 report.
good questions, answered
Slightly, in writing. In Flamme's data women write about 7% more per answer than men (12.9 words vs 12.0), and the median answer is 7 words for both.
An Nayal
Founder of Flamme, the couples app used by more than 200,000 partners. He writes the relationship guides here and builds the free tools that go with them. annayal.com
put it to use
🔒 My Partner Won't Open Up
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🌊 Deep Questions
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💬 Love Language Quiz
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📊 The State of Couples 2026
What 2.7M answers from real couples say about how partners talk.
